It is Valentine’s day, and we know love is the most wonderful of all feelings.

It's a shitty cold weather on the south coast of England. Rain, wind howling, and the wild waves crashing 50 metre from my window, while I'm watching the British weather rage from my living room, with an inside temperature of 20 degrees. But it’s Valentine’s Day, a hot loving day, a happy day, despite the foggy grey clouds on the horizon.

On this very special day, it’s now 10 years ago since I received my ever first Valentines card.

A year ago on this very special day I also published BURNING DESIRE – The Psychopath and The Girl in Black Prada Shoes - Part 1

There was nothing better when my beloved expressed what I believed was his heartfelt emotions to me. It made me feel special. During our first half year, and in our early stage of the Honeymoon phase he had send me six special Valentine’s ecards. I was ecstatic! I was loved by his love-bombing and his enthusiasm of sending me so many love letters. I wanted to be his Valentine and sit under the three of love with him, kissing, embracing and holding our hands in our forever love.

What I didn’t know at the time being; my boyfriend was 90% psychopathic, and the rest of his 10% were possibly a loving and caring side as his devoted words blended with romantic emotions. Those 10% made me believe he was 100% real and had a clean and heartfelt soul.

I truly believed he loved me with all his heart. That he wanted me to be his one and only Valentine this year and every year thereafter.

I loved him unconditionally and felt strong with him when he gave me a new life, a valued gift to be loved when he picked me up from my sadness and called me ‘baby’, ‘little girl’, ‘MM’, and many other sweet nicknames. How cute is that?

Well, the happy ending wouldn’t last forever.

Ever since he captured me, he gave me multiple uppercuts in my face, plenty of malicious kicks in my ass and many nasty punches into my face, when he assured me, “Trust me. I love only you.” OK, they were not physical ‘kicks’ or ‘uppercuts’, but emotional nasty punches every time.

I wonder if he was worth any of it because he did his best to systematically to destroy me year after year.

I tried to keep up my courage and positive spirit by searching for the necessary peace in my life with him. Thus, I paid a vast price for the choices I made, and I don’t deny I was not always able to figure out the long-term costs of my decisions.