May 13, 2021

An evil darkness who managed to deceive himself - Part 2

Behind my boyfriend’s narcissistic behaviour was an evil darkness who managed to deceive even himself. 

Part 2

Greetings, and welcome to my Blog


It was many sick and sad answers of why I was not automatically being able to identify the sinister nature that makes someone like him as a Narcissist


In my opinion you’ve to have tried the extreme misfortune of dealing with such a person, before you can understand what you’ve put yourself through. The narcissist I lived with made me look and feel like the crazy one. In the end I began to believe in everything he said was wrong with me, my family, my friends and others.

When I spoke out, no one seriously believed that he was capable of his irrational and evil behaviour. And I mean it! No non-survivor believed me and were able to fathom it could be one-sided- that he was clearly the perpetrator.

He had created his own world of
delusional of GrandeurAnd yes, he wanted me to believe in everything he said and did. 

During my childhood I was taught to reason with others––to compromise, and to do what was told. Also to trust others, as the other part was always right, even that I didn’t always shared the same viewpoint with them––nor did I with him.

In his opinion everyone was stupid and terrible for not staking a tent in his reality. If I had not been in such a devastated world with such a crackbrain, I would never believe anyone could be so conniving, devious, self-righteous, and just down-right mean as he was to me.


He never cared when I told him to stop swindling and lying to others or to me. 

He could never see it was harmful what he did, as he had no remorse and no conscience. Often he displayed this amazing ‘amnesia’ saying: “What did I do since you ‘turn’ on me?” He didn’t even recall the whole thing: out of sight out of mind. 

Suddenly, he was being nice again and the sky was blue again, therefore, in his mind the slate was clean. There was nothing left to discuss. To him it was all in the past. I was his toy again as he gave me the affection I needed and life was good again, and full of possibilities. He was a killjoy, and I never knew who he was.

 

Turning everyone against you.


I didn't see it, but he turned my family, friends, and others against me, then portraying me as being the ‘big bad wolf’. This just chalked it all up to me being a woman scorned, hating him, ruin his fraudulent business while he told his new supply I was not the person he thought I were. OMG, he told her I broke his heart and crushed him. Also, that I had changed to the worse and lied to him, so how could I treat him that way. On top of that he told her I was crazy and lower than dirt. A cold and frigid old woman. I bet he also told him I was unfaithful, and that's why he didn't want to be with me. Something is not adding up with all his lying sh*t!

To His family he told he did everything to make it work. I was his love of his life. He had begged me to become the woman he met back then. However, then he told them, I was the unstable one, not him. I was never there for him and was cold and distant and believed I had met someone else.

To those friends I had, he told them I was crazy, insanely jealous, manipulative and suffocating him while I was mentally abusing him. He had only horror stories about me and that no-one could ever believe a word of what I said because in his opinion I was such a liar. 

To his many new followers that believed in all his lying stories, he mockingly laughed about me, making me into a joke and told them: I had never meant anything to him and I was just another piece of shit. I was only interested in extreme sex with him and then he told them about crude descriptions about my sex life with my ex-husband. 

However, he continued to hurt me, made up more twisted stories about me, smeared and distorted my character until he thought he had won. That made me angrier than anything else.

The only way I could possibly prove his lies and scams, was with evidence, to show concrete proof. So, before my ‘no contact’ I played the game I was all in for him. Told him I still loved him. I still wanted to support him financial, and that I still wanted to be together with him. 

Gathering evidence requires patience, so I stayed with him longer as I should and under his terms, without him knowing I spend my time in gathering evidence about him. It was a self-harming and destructive time for me, yet it also made me stronger in the end. However, the flying monkey was so slick at hovering under the radar. I knew he wouldn’t just hand things over to what he perceived as his ‘greatest enemy’, pretending he still loved me, because I had something, he wanted from me.

Nevertheless, such venomous people as he is, they always screw up. Eventually he plaid the victim projecting his sick lies on to me. Then he got sloppy, because he thought it was not possible for him to be found guilty in anything


I wish I had educated myself on how to spot such demons. 



But how is it possible to educate yourself in protecting yourself from a narcissist, when you never have found yourself in such a horrifying snare?

This was my first time trapped in such a damaging trap. I found out the hard way. He could not change, and even he said he could change, that was a lie too. For that little pleasure I had with him only lead me to a life of hell with the wrong person who never couldn’t tell the truth.

When I finally understood about Narcissistic behaviour, I passed my knowledge on to everyone I knew. To everyone who wanted to listen. And to everyone I became aware of whom were in the same situation where I’ve been.

My mission was to make people alert of these toxic individuals, so that they could run like hell. Honestly, no matter how much compassion you have to the narc, stay away, and let life take care of such mean people. They will only break you mentally. It’s exhausting. And a lot of wasted time living with a selfish manipulating person that turns around and treats you like yesterday’s trashThe mental effort it took to fool myself in to believing this one toxic persons fake love and lies was draining.
 

If someone abuses you, leave and give no more chances. 

It’s not worth the EFFORT!

Copyright © 2021 . All Rights Reserved . M. L. Stark

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