He was good and he was bad! Kind, well-respected and intelligent in the shape of a Doctor Jekyll type and meddles with his darker side transforming himself into his 'second' nature as a Mr. Hyde type. I am sure he knew he was a bad person as his evil alter ego doesn't repent or accept responsibility for his crimes and ways of life. And that he was fully aware of being immoral and was using people.
Quickly the special attention he pays me became intoxicating, so much so, that I got blinded to his inappropriate behaviour and suspicious actions – until it was too late and I was caught in his web. To him, I was the chosen one to serve the purpose of mirroring for him of what he so desperately needed to believe of himself and what he wished he had. Beneath the surface of our passionate love affair, something more sinister was lurking – I was dragged into his swindling, manipulation, and scams.
I wandered around in a daze sometimes trying to anticipate his next move, only to be chasing my tail most of the time. Anyone who challenged him on any topic he was not interested in hearing other than his answer. This eventually told me he must know he’s a wicked person.
At first, I thought I was blessed with a dream man. Then I saw the pain and suffering he caused in my lifetime weren’t normal for me or anyone.
Some of my mate's responses promptly came to the surface when I told him what I really felt about how miserably he treated me and how he mentally offended me. At some stage of my relationship with this crooked sloth, I knew he told me more about himself than what it told about me. Afterwards, I often got this in response when he was attacking me with his massive denial and rudeness:
- Such an idiot you are!
- You're making stuff up!
- You’re making a fool out of yourself!
- Shut up!
- You' re paranoid!
- That never happened!
My lover purposely enjoyed taunting me. Then he mirrored what I was saying. I could see it on his dirty smirk because he truly found it amusing until I couldn't cope anymore. I just wanted to tell him how I really felt about how he treated me when he went into his dark mood. As sweet and loving he could be, as evil he could show his mean shadowy side when he freaked out! He would never step aside, and nothing ever reached him. Instead, he got angry and smashed the ball back at my face. Then he snapped and yelled at me:
- You are such a psychopath!
- You are an ugly, piece of sh*t!
- You are such a wicked person!
- No one wants you!
- You want to hear what I really feel?
- You are a failure and crazy!
- Stop your lying sh*t!
One thing I couldn't pass by was his vindictiveness when I found out how he operated when he thought I was not watching. He was so vindictive. He only wanted to destroy me should anything good come my way. Especially when I no longer was a financial supporting item to him. Any happiness in my life must be destroyed in any way shape or form and there were no limits.
- I’ll destroy you!
- No one ever liked you!
- I’ll f*cking sue you and take everything!
- I only let you into my life of pity!
- I only f*cked you out of pity!
(Well, he hardly never f*cked me, because he was incapable.)
- You are getting on my nerves!
(Was that because he had to build lie after lie and it was exhausting for him!)
When I was crossing or outsmarting him in any way, it was always met with some form of mean action taken against me. I never could see it coming when I was falling into the dark rabbit hole, he had dug for me. Maybe I was hoping for some changes if I told him when he pained me, wishing he would change his behavior towards me in the future. I wanted him to understand. But he couldn’t understand. He never felt remorse. He never apologized. I still can't understand the logic of this even till today. Never have I ever thought of myself as a cruel person because I don't do things to hurt people.
Eventually I realized, the problem was not on my side of the fence. It was on his side. I don’t hate him, but I had to understand what was going through his head. In his mind, he can’t fail. He can’t lose the battle against me, so instead he started hating me. He wanted to win his smearing against me. It made him feel the power to control my life. After several years of emotional and financial trauma, losing everything in my life, my self-esteem, my family, and friends I found myself still trapped in his mesh.
It was not just the money he was seeking; it was also of a soul-less calculative approach to slowly criticise me an my life down to an empty shell.
I was so disappointed at him because he turned into everything, he during the love-bombing phase said he would never be. His horrific mental illness were always two steps ahead and I as his prey were and easy target because I was just not wired like him. Being of an empathetic and compassionated nature I had allowed him in. He slowly stripped me down, by telling me everything I wanted to hear, so I gave him the satisfaction of robbing my integrity, trust, and self-confidence. I used to consider myself a strong-willed woman, but in retrospect my experience with my lover sounds so weak and pathetic. My question was if he was ever real?
I was so disappointed at him because he turned into everything, he during the love-bombing phase said he would never be. His horrific mental illness were always two steps ahead and I as his prey were and easy target because I was just not wired like him. Being of an empathetic and compassionated nature I had allowed him in. He slowly stripped me down, by telling me everything I wanted to hear, so I gave him the satisfaction of robbing my integrity, trust, and self-confidence. I used to consider myself a strong-willed woman, but in retrospect my experience with my lover sounds so weak and pathetic. My question was if he was ever real?
In the end he failed! He no longer had the power to control my life when I started to sense the abuse and was no longer trusting his empty promises anymore. He could no longer gaslighting me into believing it was all my fault. So, he abandoned me after he had secured and enforced a strong bond with his new supply and love-bombed her into believing I was a crazy ex-girlfriend. Next, he recruited enough flying monkeys to slander about me, telling them he never knew of me. He knew he was hurting me and believed I couldn’t get back on my feet again and thought he could get away with it unharmed. I was in shock as he proceeded to push dagger after dagger in my already broken heart! When I came to my senses, he did everything for no none to believe me, because they already believed he was the poor victim and I was the one making his life horrible, as he told them that’s why he had to dump me.
I’ve learned the hard way, while he was building horrible lies about me and was deceiving others into taking his side. I felt emptied out and robbed! Even I was almost broke financially and emotionally after my acquaintance with him, I was starting over and were grateful that I could recover. The spineless coward couldn’t stand it because my success reminded him of his defeat. So, he continued year after year after our final brake to slander about me. He is all over the place, on every social medias, the entire internet and on my website to slander about me. Well, my previous lover had not broken me completely. I was healing my lost battles and came out stronger from my setbacks by regaining and take control over my life, and ignoring his slander and lies about me. I know who he truly is, and he will never change.
Copyright © 2021 . All Rights Reserved . M. L. Stark
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